Soccer is amazing because it is my favorite sport.
Getting ready for the game is exciting. As I am running onto the field, the people are screaming, "Come on! Do not give up!!" When the game began, we stared at the ball, and the people start cheering.
At half-time, we were losing by one goal. The crowd was sad and losing interest. I said to my other teammate, "Pass it to me so I can make a goal." They agree.
As I am running down the field, Danny kicked it to me. I hit it with my head. The ball flew through the air, toward the goal. Everybody stood up. The ball continued toward the goal. It went past the goalie. I made the goal! I made it! All the people on the sidelines screamed, "Goal!!!!!!!!!!!!" My coach give me a big pat on the back, and all my teammates were happy.
Unfortunately, the other team made a goal. My coach said, "Come on! You can do it! One more goal!!" The score was 2-1, and there were just 15 minutes left.
We threw the balled in and I passed it to my friend. He missed and I said to him, "Nice try." When he got the ball back, he passed it to me. I did a back kick and the goalie did not stop the ball - again.
The crowd charged in. Danny, Juan, and I were the best on our team! We felt proud.
Danny, Juan, and I have practiced so much together that we play well together. Practice really does pay off. It allowed us to score many goals during games because we knew what the other person would do. We trusted each other!
My team was cheering and my coach said, "Great job, guys!" He promised that if we won, he would throw a party! My team lifted me up on their shoulders, and Juan said, "Nice job, Jonathan!" Soccer is amazing. It is my favorite sport!
~by Jonathan
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*I liked your organization
ReplyDelete*Great dialogue
*Great story
Kameron
the way that you made it sound real was very cool and you really are good at soccer.
ReplyDeleteAnders
Good story. Good job reading it.
ReplyDeleteI liked your organization, dialogue and your cool story.
ReplyDeleteTomi
I liked your story it was funny it made me lugh a lot. FROM: Cinthya
ReplyDeletei liked you anthusiasm and the way you had the crowd yell.
ReplyDelete~ Cassandra C.
I like how you added my and Juan's name~ Danny
ReplyDeleteI like how you repeated you first line as the last line.
ReplyDelete~Amelia
JONATHANS story was really reallistic nice try, Roberto p.
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to hear about something you love. You are great at using your words and feelings to share excitement.
ReplyDeleteI liked your inthusiasm when you made a goal
ReplyDeleteCameron
i liked when the people on the sidelines screamed you changed your tone. i liked how you repeated the first line in the end.
ReplyDeleteruben
Good story Jonathan! I liked how you said the same thing in the begining as you said in the end. You had good vocabulary and great discription on how you felt about soccer, and I am not so sure about soccer but after your story it makes me want to sign up!
ReplyDelete~Melissa~
I liked how you raised the suspense when you headed the ball and it flew through the air. Great job!
ReplyDelete- Paul
I liked your enthusiasm. I liked how you repeated the thing you said at the beggining. Good Job
ReplyDeleteScott
I liked your story what I liked the most was that you used action and you also used voice as you read.
ReplyDeleteI like how you use enthusism in the dialougue. I like how you read slow.
ReplyDeleteJulio
I love that your story has some historical remnance to it but is yet recent. Awesome, man, awesome.
ReplyDeleteGREAT STORY! i liked how you read
ReplyDeleteI like how you said your story and your explainations.
ReplyDeleteNice story! You had good inflection when you were reading dialogue.
ReplyDeleteColumbia
I loved how you said the same thing in the beggining that you did in the end! Your story was very discriptive and you explained the action very well and you explained your thoughts and feelings all very well.
ReplyDelete~Taylor
I liked your story and I liked the acshon and all was a lie. jose
ReplyDeleteyour story was really made me think i was there! even it was a lie.
ReplyDeleteI like your voice vocab and specifics also you fixed your mistakes and your cycle writing also you changed your voice with every dialogue also you described action like when the crowed stood up and the dialogue your couch said come on! Liked it!
ReplyDeleteStefani Cervantes
GREAT STORY! i liked how you read
ReplyDelete~Yesica~
I liked your story. I love soccer too so it was cool to hear about that sport. I also liked how you repeated the same thing in the begining as the end.
ReplyDelete~Claire Andrews
I liked how you described why you had scored a goal. You had a good sense of suspense. You read it slowly
ReplyDeleteI liked how you described why you had scored a goal. You had a good sense of suspense. You read it slowly.
ReplyDeleteSchuyler
I liked how you described what was going on on the scene so we knew what was really going on! Good job.
ReplyDelete~Danicia.
I'm proud of you for getting your story finished and published. It helps to write about something you know a lot about, huh?! You did a great job presenting today. I love the repeating line - it's almost like a poem! Keep playing soccer...and keep writing, too!
ReplyDelete