Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Olympics ~by Anna

"Aphrodite!"

"Oh, Mom! It was so great!!! I got to meet Cynisca of Sparta; she won two chariot races before me. And then I got money for Papa 'cause I don't know if you saw, but there was a fire at home and he broke his leg. But anyway, I won the pentathlon; that's where I got the mon--”

"O.K. honey. I know you're excited, but stop a moment to breathe, will you!”

"We still have to breathe when we're dead?"

"Well... no. It's just a figure of speech. Now why don't we go have a victory feast for your Pentathlon win, and you can tell me all about your adventure then."

As we walked to our dining room I took in my surroundings. Heaven was different than I had imagined. In the Bible, it said that the roads were made of gold, and nobody was in pain, but it's nothing like that. In truth it looked just like home, except not quite as dreary! My guess is that it looks different to each person.

As soon as we stepped into the magnificent dining hall, the food magically appeared onto the plates, with exactly what we felt like eating! I found my plate with no difficulty and started to dig in. After I had practically inhaled half my plate, I exclaimed, "This food is to die for! Oh wait, too late!"

"I'm guessing you should have looked before you leaped. But don't worry, you get used to being dead." My mother had passed away five years ago when a flood hit the village three kilometers from our grove.

"Oh yeah! I forgot to ask you, how did my dresser survive?"

"Well, I pulled a few strings, and I wanted to help you help your father." She turned to me and said in a more serious voice, "And by the way, I know you don't think Papa loves you, but he does."

"Sure, sure, I'll believe that when flying pigs eat purple olives underwater. So, like I was saying..."


ONE YEAR EARLIER


"Papa, will you pass the lamb?"

"Sure, here you go," he smiled.

As I picked at my leftover fish I queried, "Why so happy?"

"Our farm has just sold our ENTIRE year's harvest to the Olympic Feast!!" he explained after swallowing a mouth full of olives.

"Oh that's wonderful!" During the last four years we sold only the amount of one full harvest. This was big news for us. We ate in silence, each of us immersed in our own thoughts and dreams.

"Soooo. How was school today?" Ever since my mom's death, I'd had to go to school with the boys in my town. She had taught me at home, but now there was no one at home during the day. I could tell he was just trying to make small talk; he had never been good with silence. I loved my dad, but he didn't seem to love me enough to ask me about my school day or really care. I had always been envious of the children whose parents would greet them after school with a big hug, then go and buy them cake with honey and fresh fruit. Instead, I walked the three kilometers back to our grove, did my small pile of homework, then curled up with a scroll and read until Papa got home from the far side of the wood.

"Um, it was fine. I didn't make any new friends though." I had always been shy. I had made only one friend in my entire years here in Tavros, Greece. While I was thinking about my life in the shadowy corner, Papa stood up abruptly, knocking over the lit lantern. We both gasped. Everything seemed to go in slow motion as the lantern fell to the ground, smashed to pieces, and burst into flames.



The fire, evil as Satan himself, licked the table. It lit up, shooting sparks in a matter of seconds. It seemed that the inferno was getting ten times larger every second. Papa flew up the stairs; I thought to get the picture of mama. In reality he did grab the picture, but he also snatched a random set of clothes for the both of us. In the minute it took to get the items, the fire had sprung up the stairwell, amazingly skipping the bottom three steps.

"Jump, Papa! Jump!" And he did.

His leap was flawless, but I wish I could say the same for his landing. He caught one of his feet on the bottom step, and then stumbled into a somersault across the floor. I looked away when I heard a sickening crack. Once I looked back, his leg hung at a ninety degree angle. Papa collapsed onto the tile floor.

"Papa!!" I yelled as I sprinted over. Just as time had slowed down, it seemed speed into double time. My father was moaning in agony. What am I going to do? I ran around frantically trying to think. One thing I knew was I had to get him out of the burning house. "The fire's getting closer! Do you think you can walk?" I asked him frantically.

Papa nodded his head slowly with his teeth gritted. I attempted to help him to his feet. Once standing, he immediately fell back down again. Lucky for us, I was strong from a life of lifting crates of olives. I silently prayed that I was strong enough to lift him. I bent over and heaved. Astonishingly, he floated off the ground. Slowly, but surely, we made our way outside and clear of the blaze. I hadn't realized how hot it had been indoors until the cool night air wafted over me. It was a relief to get away from the sweltering heat.

Suddenly a thought struck me and I again ran inside my burning abode. "Our safe is under the stairs." I was thinking out loud, but I didn't care. I had to get to the safe to get our gold for a doctor. I bolted to the room under the stairs. When I opened the door, the flames catapulted out as if they were trying to escape as well. "AHHHH!!!!!" I shrieked as I darted out of the way of the roaring blaze. "I don't think a doctor will want to help us at 1:30 A.M," I said, trying to figure out how to get to the safe.

Suddenly, an idea sprang into my head. If a doctor wouldn't splint his leg, then I would. It wasn't the best idea, or smartest idea, or safest idea for that matter. But it would have to do.

I raced outside to get a piece of wood. Luckily, a stream ran a little ways away from our house. I sprinted down a fair sized hill to the little brook. Unfortunately, all of the smoke from home was catching up to me. I was wheezing when I reached the water. I'd bet the wet wood would help ease the pain as well as keep his leg straight, I thought. I frantically searched the dark, moist ground. "Ahhh!" I came up dripping and freezing. "Owwww!!!!! Hey a good piece of driftwood!” Once I removed the stick from my bottom, I sprinted back to my dad. My main reason for sprinting was to get back to Papa. My second reason was to try to dry off. I held my breath as I ran back inside the burning house. I went to where Papa had dropped the clothes. My lungs started burning as I ripped off strips of cloth from his shirt. Again, I ran into the night to where my injured father lay. I snapped his leg back into position, despite his screams. I winced as he shrieked. I placed the wood behind his leg, wrapped the strips of cloth around it, and tied the knots needed. "Not perfect, but it'll have to do for now," I said gently. I had absolutely no clue how to give him proper treatment, but I could worry about that later.


"Remember gentleman ... and Aphrodite, the human body can go for weeks without food, but can only go for a maximum of three days without water. Now have a good weekend!" It seemed like only yesterday that my teacher had said that. Oh yeah, it was yesterday. We were learning about survival. Quickly I announced, "Papa! We have to go find clean water. Our well is filled with ash up to the brim!

"Do...it...tomorrow. Need...to...sleep," and with that, he slipped off into a nightmarish sleep, full of pain for his leg and sorrow for his deceased wife and now burning home. Luckily, it was a warm summer evening and the heat of the flames warmed us, too.

I awoke to the morning light, shivering. What happened last night? I thought in wonder as I looked back on what used to be a five room house around an elaborate courtyard. It was a pile of ashes. I glanced around and spotted Papa on the ground a mere fifteen feet away. I began to crawl toward him thinking of nothing but how to get help.

An idea struck me. I abruptly stopped. "Papa, I have an idea!"

He grunted through his half-asleep pain.

"I could enter the Olympics! I've always been a good runner, and I bet I could throw a javelin and a discus!"

"Girls...not...allowed," he struggled to enunciate.



I moved Papa to a safe place to rest and went to explore the fire that had at that point burned itself out. Miraculously, my dresser was sitting on the top of the rubble undamaged, in mint condition with the exception of a few burn and scratch marks. For some odd reason, I had always kept my shoes in the bottom drawer of my dresser. "Papa! My dresser survived!!! I still have clothes and shoes and everything!" I yelled. Knowing that one dresser endured the unbearable heat, I looked for other surviving belongings. I found nothing, nothing but ashes. Unfortunately I was much, much, much smaller than Papa was, so he would definitely need clothes. Suddenly, I said aloud, “I could dress up like a boy, change my name temporarily to Aristotle, and enter!!" I felt pretty smart right then, despite the nervousness eating away at my stomach. To me it was the best idea in the world, but I had yet to learn what tragedy awaited me at the Altis wall.

My long legs barely touched the ground. This stadion was mine. I could almost touch the trophy, almost hear the praise!

Whoosh!

Oh no!! NO! I won't let him beat me! I didn't think it was possible to run faster than I was, but I did. My feet flew to the finish line. I didn't know if I had won the dash or not, but apparently I had because all of a sudden, I was compressed between hundreds upon hundreds of people! The sudden metal in my hands felt wonderful. I knew I could win this. Papa would be so proud of me! He couldn't ignore me this time. I loved the feeling of glory, but I had to go train for wrestling, which I had to admit, I wasn't too excited about.

I pushed and shoved my way out. The people finally let me out of the throbbing crowd.



Back in my tent, my Papa joined me. "A few more wins like that, and you'll have it done!"

"I'm not sure if I can win wrestling," I said nervously.

"Don't worry about it! I know you'll do fine."

"I wish I was as confident as you are."

Stepping out into the sand pit was the scariest thing I had ever done. I turned to the crowd, bowed, then looked into the opposite corner to see my opponent. He. Was. Massive. By the look of it he had to weigh 300 lbs, and he was about three feet wide. This was going to be my death, I was sure of it. Thankfully, I wasn't very good at predicting the future, and I lived to see another day.

Faster than I had hoped for, the bell tolled and my own personal devil began inching toward me. All I remember after that was seeing a great, giant fist coming straight for me. The next thing I knew, I was staring groggily up at my Papa and the referee. I hadn't won, but luckily I had survived.

My next event was the long jump. That was my next mountain to cross. Luckily, it had something to do with running. Fortunately, there was one day that I had free to practice the rest of the events. I was carrying the halteres to the starting line. BOOM! And I was off! I was running, but the sand pit didn't seem like it was getting any closer! All of a sudden, the line came. I threw the halteres over the sand; the momentum almost pulled my arms out of their sockets. I flew so far I actually leaped over the entire sand pit and on to the grass. It was a really hard landing, but it was worth it.

Again, the crowd rushed to my side, and front, and back and other side. This time the people were taller, and I could barely breathe! "Please let me out! I need to practice," I gasped. Right then and there, the people lifted me up and carried me to my tent! It was AMAZING!

"Papa! I think I can win this!!"

"Good. My leg is killing me."

Is that all you can think about when I'm risking my life for you?

The amentum was making my hand sweat so bad I thought I would drop the javelin. My first throw was, not so great. My second went about 50 whole meters. My third launch went 70! I hoped my fourth, and fifth throws would be better, though.

It turned out that my 4th and 5th throws were much, much worse. The 4th got to 44 meters. The 5th, 38. Luckily, only my 70 meter counted. As it turned out, I won that event, also! The feeling of success wore off the 2nd time. However, the crowd picking me up hadn't gotten old yet.

The 4 ½ pound disc felt like lead in my hands. It felt like there was another 40 1/2 weight in my stomach. I spun 360 degrees, and then released the discus. I waited for the judge to give clearance. Then, I walked to the scoreboard to see how far it went and was astounded to see it had gone 70 meters also!

At the end of the event, it was me against Dionysus, who had the same score as I did. Luckily, my second best score was 55, while his was 53 meters. I won!

As soon as the cheering started, I went into shock. I was in a trance the whole time I was getting my money, and trophy, and my fame. I had done it. Me, Aphrodite, had won the pentathlon! Unfortunately, after that, I got cocky.


ONE YEAR LATER

By this time, Papa's leg had gotten better. And I was Aristotle once again. This time it was a little more risky, though. After all, it had been a whole year, and I was starting to resemble a girl.

Because of my earlier win, I could almost feel it in my bones. I was going to triumph once again. I just knew it. This chariot race was in the bag. I had been able to buy my very own chariot and horse. I named him Midnight Star because of his jet-black hair everywhere along his body. Everywhere except on the top of his head, where there was a star shaped white area. I really loved that old boy. Plus, I'd gotten to know him very well over the winter. He really loved strawberries.

Ahhh!! I thought as I wildly spun around a corner. This will be my death, I'm sure of it. Oh dear god, help me! But unfortunately, He wasn't listening that day. And this time, my prediction was right.

On the next turn, the chariot slid out from underneath her, and she went tumbling down to the ground. Only to get trampled by the oncoming racers. Her mind and soul slowly floated to heaven where she met her mom, who was waiting with open arms.


BACK ON EARTH


Once the race ended, her father hurried out to determine her fate. As soon as he saw the extent of the injuries, he burst out sobbing. Aphrodite didn't see this though and she would not know that he loved her until her he joined them in heaven.


IN HEAVEN


"Thank you honey. That was an amazing story."

"Thanks for listening Mom!"

"Of course sweetie and I know your father still loves you, now more than ever. Now let’s go home."

"Okay, I believe you. And home sounds good. I'm beat....And mom?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

20 comments:

  1. 1. Good vocab.

    2. Good discription.

    3. Good inflection.

    Dylan

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anna your story has great vocabulary.
    It also has great action and description.
    You were very clear and loud and had all the things in slick and slice.

    ReplyDelete
  3. *Your story had great vocabulary!
    *With your dialouge your story really came to life!
    *You spoke very clearly.

    ReplyDelete
  4. * I really liked your vocabulary and great description.

    * I loved you ending!

    * You had really good inflection, it added character, especially in the beginning. (You can talk fast!!)
    ~ :) NiCoLe

    ReplyDelete
  5. *You had really good descripton.

    *CTF

    SLICK
    SLICE: You had great infleciton.

    ReplyDelete
  6. i could visualize the hole thing in my head. great C.T.F. also you were very descriptive. also nice pausing good dialogue
    alex

    ReplyDelete
  7. * you had good ctf

    * good dicribtion

    * good voice

    GREAT SLICK and SLICE

    ReplyDelete
  8. that was a very powerful story. but it was also very sad. you had very good description and vocabulary in the story

    ReplyDelete
  9. 1. That was very touching.

    2. Very good vocab.

    3. You spoke the dialogue very well.

    ReplyDelete
  10. 1. Good dialogue

    2. Characters thought and feeling.

    3. Very slow and loud reading

    Tenzing

    ReplyDelete
  11. 1. You had great inflection.
    2. Great action.
    3. nice detail and description.
    Zeke N

    ReplyDelete
  12. *good dialoge, made the story come to life.

    *great inflection!

    *good action, wow 90˚ brokin leg

    SLICK: slow and or fast if apropriate.

    ReplyDelete
  13. *I liked how you used the facts throughout the story but it was weaved through
    *it sounded really realistic
    *in the beginning it sounded like you were too fast but it was supposed to be that way

    ReplyDelete
  14. good vocabulary.

    you had good dialogue.

    you had good action.

    you were very clear except for the beginning.

    ReplyDelete
  15. 1.nice facts on the olympics

    2.nice the begining you talked fast

    3.great loud talking

    ReplyDelete
  16. I really liked your dialogue. It made your characters come alive.

    I liked how you used the name of the gods. I liked how you weaved in your facts.

    You had the best inflection of any story so far.

    Sean B.

    ReplyDelete
  17. *WOW amazing story anna!! i loved it !
    *great dialogue, CTF, description, and eye contact
    *you did really good with the SLICK & SLICE
    *AWESOME PRESENTATION
    KENZY

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anna,
    You wrote a great story!
    *You had a lot of action through your whole story.
    * You did a good job on dialouge.
    Slick:
    Slice: You looked up a lot and you spoke loud and slow. You spoke really fast in the begining but it was funy.
    Nice job.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anna,
    * Great story! I loved how at times you paused to let us know that it was an important part!
    * I also noticed that you had some comedy in your story!
    * GREAT C.T.F!

    SLICK:
    SLICE: You were slow, but I liked how you made your character talk fast in the beggining of your story, you were loud, you had LOTS of inflection, you were clear and you had eye contact and your story was kicky!
    Amazing Job Anna!

    ReplyDelete
  20. This is a great story. I love the different settings - especially how you handled heaven so well. The humor in this story is a great example of VOICE - your voice, but you write it so that it is the story's voice. Does that make sense? It's really well done. Great presentation - sorry for interrupting when I didn't understand! :)

    I really hope you continue to work with this story. It deserves it! Fleshing out the relationship between the father and Aphrodite would be a great place to add more. This is a winner!

    ReplyDelete