June 16, 1829, I was born in a village called Bedonkohe; they called me "one who yawns". Even though they first called me that, I was going to be the first leader to fight against U.S. army. I had three brothers and four sisters. I was the smallest of all. My parents made me marry a girl when I was 15. Her name was Alope. After that, people started calling me be my real name Net'na, even though I had always hated my name. I liked my nickname for some reason.
In 1851, I went to town to trade. I was happy, laughing while I traded. The laugh ended when I saw some smoke coming of from my village. People were running down the hill, their faces and hands were bloody. I asked them what had happen, and they told me, "We were attacked! At least 400 big, scary Mexican soldiers attacked." Later on I found out that they were from Sonora, led by Jose Maria Carrasco.
I ran to my village as fast as I could. I fell lot's of times. When I got there, I found that my village was destroyed. The houses were burned to the ground. People were lying dead. They had been running and were shot in the back. They did not come in to fight, they came to kill. My chief, Mangas Coloradas, was dead. I was really mad.
Anger made me think thoughts of revenge. I will find them and kill them. I kept searching through the victims until I found my mom, my wife and my children. They were on the floor of our tipee, dead. I was so mad that I started crying. Tears of anger flooded my village.
I wanted revenge so badly that I joined the Chiricahua tribe. I knew they could help me get revenge. They called me Saint Jerome. We attacked the Mexicans. I only had a knife to fight off their guns. But my anger protected me like an invisible shield. I didn't care how many deadly bullets were coming at me. I kept stabbing my enemy with my knife. They used to scream, "Saint Jerome, please don't kill me." This is why the Mexicans and my tribe began calling me Geronimo. And Geronimo became my name.
Finally, the US government declared war against us. 5000 U.S. troops attacked us. The Indians that did not get killed were sent to jail. I ended up in prison. My anger had many years to cool. I learned fighting didn't bring back my family and the families that were killed that day. The years past as I sat in my cell, and finally it was February 02 1881. I was 51 years old. I joined another tribe i couldn't pronouns or write it's name there were more then 10,000 people in that tribe i married the daughter of the leader. The tribe never liked the U.S. troops I asked why didn't they fight them. "because we don't have a good leader". they said I can help you if you want to! "why would you want to help us if the chief will not trust you he'll want to stop you from killing his soldiers he has worked all his life to make this tribe" they said "trust my I have been a leader before my tribe was the one to attacked the mexican you probobly know who i am my real name in Geroimo" I said we trained for a year after we finished training we attacked the us troops at night. we defeat them at night. after that the years past till it was February 17, 1909, at age 79, I died. Soon my wish would come true...in the next world.
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I liked how your charecter jumped around to find his right place.
ReplyDeleteGreat action and specifics.
Great Slice you spoke strongly.
When you weould mess up you would fix it.
Fuller
I liked your action and slice. Plus your cratizam also when you messed up a sentence or word you went back and fixed it. I think it was asome! Liked and loved it!!!
ReplyDeleteStefani Cervantes
I really like your story ii is great. I know that in your story you don't like your name but I think it is a funny name. From: cinthya
ReplyDeleteGood story. I loved the part about how the anger protected me like an invisable shield. I liked your morale at the end of the story. You read it slowly which is great. good job
ReplyDeleteSchuyler
Josue, I loved your line in your story when you said "I was laughing when I was trading, but all the laughter stopped when I saw smoke from my village." It builds suspense and gets readers hooked. Awesome story!
ReplyDelete- Paul
*Great Story
ReplyDelete*Great plot
*Good details
*awesome slice
~Kameron
I liked how your charicters were like all laighing until all of asodden a war began
ReplyDelete~ Cassandra C.
Really good story. Good Job!
ReplyDeletei like how you said that his wish would come true at the end you also talked smoothly Ruben
ReplyDeleteI liked your description and I liked the funny wordes you sead.
ReplyDeletejoes
Your story is great! you went slow enough and it was clear. And you had quotes.
ReplyDeleteColumbia
I like every expression and your story
ReplyDeletewow that is a really good story Josue ~ Danny
ReplyDeleteI died. Soon my wish would come true...in the next world. This sentence is very powerful. Many people could interpret what this sentence means.
ReplyDeleteTomi
I liked how you that your anger protected you like an invisable sheild. You did a great job.
ReplyDeleteScott
I loved your story and how you explained the anger inside you and you read your tory very clearly and loud! Your story was awesome!
ReplyDelete~Taylor
Great ending...in the next world. You were able to tell a good story from history. Nice Job!
ReplyDeleteYou had a great plot and
ReplyDelete~Amelia
I liked your story even your name Is funny
ReplyDelete~Yesica~
Jose. I liked your story I liked that you expressed your thoughts and feelings. Great story!
ReplyDeleteI like how he said that they trust him just by knowing his name they respect him alot, roberto p.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way that you used similes. They really made your story better.
ReplyDeleteI also liked the way you didn't over exaggerate.
I like how you did not over exagerate some parts. I like how you went slow.
ReplyDeleteJulio Vazquez
I liked how your charecter found out that revenge is not the answer to anything
ReplyDeleteI liked how the man felt like he had a invisible sheild of anger
Cameron
I really liked your story. It was very powerful but my favorite part was your last sentence. When you said "My wish would come true..... in my next life.
ReplyDelete~Claire Andrews
Good job Josue! I like how in some parts you did not over do it when you could have but you were respecting your story. You also had great vocabulary and descripton. One of my favorite parts in your story was when you said, " Tears of anger flooded my village." I thought you did an amazing job and good story!
ReplyDeleteMelissa
The sudden conflict in the story was absolutely amazing. One minute you were laughing and the next minute you see fire and people dying. Very respectful of what happened.
ReplyDeleteClay
Great job using your research and creating a strong story. You worked hard on this...you kept at it and revised it into a great story. Keep reading and writing, Josue!
ReplyDelete