Sunday, May 31, 2009

Pilgrims ~ by Jamee

I ran through the woods tripping over sticks. "Tag, your it!" I said tagging Elizabeth.
"That's not fair why don't you ever tag Samuel," she replied angrily.
I am Elizabeth's best friend. We visit each other every day. Hold on a sec, and let me explain. I am Henry, Henry Smith. I am 12 years old. The Tilley family and my family moved here from England together. Elizabeth's family and my family are so close we are practically brother and sister. I have one sibling. Unfortunately, it is not Elizabeth. I am the eldest. And the youngest is Annie. She is only 3 years old. The Tilley family is quite the same as mine: two kids and two adults. Samuel is 12, and Elizabeth is 10. Most of the time Elizabeth and I spend the every day at each other's houses, usually playing tag in the woods.
"Hey Samuel, why don't you be "it" this time?" I asked hoping that he would say yes.
"Well, if you want me to. I am going to get you guys any way," Samuel bragged.

TAG:

One cold windy afternoon, Elizabeth, Samuel and I were once again playing tag in the woods. Big towering trees surrounded us. When we were playing, we heard many strange sounds unlike anything we had heard in England. All of the sudden we heard some thumping. We thought it was one of those people that the adults told us about. The adults told us to be afraid of them. I think they are called um.... something with an I...but my father called them "savages". I heard they had dark skin, but I don't really know. Maybe the adults are wrong. We are new to this land.
I had hoped that I might see one today. Instead, we saw this small creature. It had a very big fluffy tail. Its teeth were big and yellow. And the huge cheeks on it were so cute. I went to go touch it. It seemed to want to bite my finger. But I pulled it away fast enough. There were lots of them running around, so we just ignored it and went around playing tag again. The wind started to pick up again and the clouds moved in and looked threatening. We heard another sound, different from the thumping we heard before. Maybe a snap of a twig. We turned around to see a different creature. This time it wasn't all fuzzy; it was like me but darker. It was a human!
"AHHHHHH!!!!!!!" we screamed.
We tried to run away but then it said, "Wait. Don't be scared; I won't hurt you! I just want to know who you are. Who are you?"
Everybody was quiet. There was no sound except for the birds chirping in the trees.
"Please don't hurt us. We...well, we are like you but different," I spoke nervously. The human turned out to be a boy who was either 7 or 8 years old. He must have been one of those people that Papa told us to keep away from. What are they called..? Oh yeah Indians.
"My name is Ranjan. It means pleasing to others. Why do you seem so scared? Am I scary to you? I don't look scary do I?"
"No," we lied a bit. I continued, "You just frightened us. We thought that you were some kind of creature. Why did you sneak up and scare us?"
"Oh there are no creatures here so don't be afraid," he informed us.
"We are new here; we don't know our way around that much," said Elizabeth.
"My name is Samuel. And this is Elizabeth and Henry," Samuel said pointing at each of us. Ranjan smiled at each of us, making me feel more and more comfortable.

"Well I could have said my own name without your help," said Elizabeth said sharply to Samuel.
"I just wanted to introduce you," Samuel said defensively.
"You could let me do it, " Elizabeth argued.
"Stop!" Henry scolded.
For a second Ranjan was laughing ,and I didn't know why until he explained, "Ha, you guys are funny."
"Huh?" Elizabeth and Samuel questioned at the Samuel time.
"OK that was weird well-"
"Do you want to play tag with us?" Elizabeth said eagerly.
“Sure how do you play?" said Ranjan.
“Well there is a tagger they go around and tag other people. And if you get tagged you will go and get someone else,” said Samuel acting like he was in charge. “OK who wants to be it?”
Ranjan nodded and said, "This is like games we play! I will be it!”
“OK give us 3 seconds to get some distance away from you," we said as we scattered into the woods. "Ready! Set! GO!”
“1,2,3...Here I come!” Ranjan was chasing after Samuel. He obviously did not know that Samuel was fastest one of all of us, not even I could catch Samuel. But I was amazed, Ranjan was very close to tagging Samuel. Ranjan was officially the fastest boy I had ever seen. Samuel thought that he would hide behind a tree and lose him, but Ranjan kept his eyes on Samuel. As soon as Ranjan tagged Samuel, I knew that Samuel would go after Elizabeth. The continued with a new twist!

Snow:

I had a great sleep, but a horrible waking. Annie was squealing like crazy. I wish that she would grow up and not scream any more. But, there was a weird thing that was happening that morning. There was this white stuff coming from the sky and landing on the ground ever so lightly. I wanted to go outside and see what was these strange white flakes were. So I woke Annie up and told her, "There is strange stuff falling from the sky. We have to see what it is." She sat straight up when I told her that. She ran up to the window and saw what it was. She nearly fainted. We ran outside and met Samuel and Elizabeth already out exploring.
"Wow! This is strange. We didn't see that back in England. It's making me cold, though. Let's eat breakfast and then we will figure out what it is," Elizabeth said inviting me back to their house for breakfast. "Let's go." We went into the kitchen to see Mrs. Tilley cooking breakfast. I could see her standing at the stove and humming the song I hear every time I come here. It was a beautiful song. We sat down to eat and Elizabeth asked, "Mom do you know what that white stuff is outside?"
"Yes, in fact I do, it is frozen water from the sky that is called snow."
"Snow???" questioned Elizabeth and I. We have never heard of the word snow. I wonder how it feels or what you do with it. "That's a weird way to say frozen water," Elizabeth said
"So what do you do with it Mrs. Tilley?" I asked.
"Well you can do anything you want with it. But be careful, it is cold. You guys can go play in it after you are done eating your oatmeal."
"Oatmeal! I love oatmeal," I complimented. My favorite meal of the day was breakfast. Breakfast was always so sweet, especially when Mrs. Tilley made it. We ate all of the oatmeal with Samuel. The delicious, warm oats ran down my throat. Then we got dressed, put on our coats, and went outside to play in this white flakes called snow. We found out that the freezing water sticks together to make balls that fly through the air! So I decided to make a ball. I threw it at Samuel's face. He got very mad at me, and he made one too. He threw, but he missed me, which made him even madder! Soon all three of us were having a snowball fight. It was so much fun.
After the snow ball fight, we explored more about the snow. Ranjan returned and showed us how to make little snow houses, or snow caves, to protect ourselves from the elements and those snowballs. We played and built caves. Finally, when we came we had frozen hands and frozen noses and were shivering, we went inside. We waved goodbye to Ranjan as he disappeared into the woods. We crowded together by the fire place and told stories. Mrs. Tilley always had the best stories.


The Cough:

Mrs. Tilley pointed out, "There is a blizzard outside,and it's good thing you came in early." Then all of a sudden Elizabeth started coughing.
I really hope she is not sick, I thought.
Then Mr. Tilley and my parents came home and saw us all by the fireplace. "Hi Ma! Hi Papa," I said.
"Hi Daddy," Elizabeth said coughing.
"Sweetie are you ok?" Mr. Tilley questioned giving Elizabeth a concerned kiss.
"Just running really hard. I think."
"Wait you were running in this weather?"
"Just a few minutes ago." For a second I thought that he was going to scream because his face was red.
"Well Henry, Annie it's time we went home," Ma exclaimed.
"Can't we stay just a little longer? I want to hear more stories," I asked.
"Maybe."
"How about you all stay for dinner," said Mrs. Tilley. So Ma, Papa, and I stayed for dinner. As we laughed and told stories about our day in the snow, I realized that Elizabeth was very quiet.

The Medicine:

The most terrible thing happened. When I went go see Elizabeth the next day, she was really sick! She is coughing more than last time. Mrs.Tilley told me, "It is ok she will get better soon don't worry. It's just a cold. Lots of people get them, and they get better. But I wouldn't go in there if I was you."
"You just want me to not be in her room so I won't get sick?" I asked.
"That’s a good idea."
"What's going on?" interrupted Samuel. He is always cranky in the morning. "What's the big idea for waking me up this early in the morning? And... why are you guys here?"
"It's well past the time for you to be awake! Your poor sister is sick as a dog," Mrs. Tilley explained. Then she turned to go check on Elizabeth. She turned back, "Henry, maybe it would make her feel better is you came too." We went upstairs and into her room. Elizabeth's eyes were closed. She coughed many times and her face was pale. She looked so sick. I thought to myself, We shouldn't of gone outside the other day. I felt a swoop of sadness run through me. As she slept, it looked like she was dead.
"Is she going to be okay? Do you have any medicine for her?" I questioned. If she died, what would happen to our two families. What would happen to me? Then suddenly I thought of someone who might be able to help: Ranjan. I need to talk to him, I thought. Maybe he would have some medicine for Elizabeth. As much as I wanted to stay and see if Elizabeth was ok, I needed to get medicine from Ranjan. So I ran downstairs, out the door, and into the woods. I turned around to see if Ranjan was here. I stayed there for a long time, hoping he would arrive. "RANJAN!!!!," I screamed. I fell to my knees and started to cry. I didn't know what to do and I wanted my friend to stay alive. I sat there until I heard a noise. I turned to check if it was Ranjan. Instead I heard a different sound, it sounded like a crowing sound. I looked up into the trees to see if it was a bird, but it was Ranjan. I was so happy!
"Why are you sitting on the earth and crying?" he said.
"Ranjan there is this huge problem, Elizabeth is sick. Do you have any medicine that your people make?"
"Well, I don't have any with me, but I could return to the tribe and get some."
"Oh please do! But, Ranjan, you need to hurry because she might not survive."
"Okay, I will run like the wind!"

I ran to the Tilley house as fast as I could to tell Mrs. Tilley that her daughter is going to be ok. "I'M BACK! MRS. TILLEY YOUR DAUGHTER IS GOING TO BE OK!!" I said.
"Of course she is," she said with a worried look on her face, "but how do you know Elizabeth is going to be ok?"
"Well a friend of mine knows where to get some medicine. Soon we can give her it and she will live!" I told her.

"What friend do you have here?" asked Mrs. Tilley.
"We have met someone...he's a friends....he's an...," I stammered.
"An Indian?" Mrs. Tilley interrupted. "I will not give my daughter medicine from a savage!"


"Ok Henry its time to go now. Say good-bye," Ma said. So I waved goodbye and we walked out of their door. When we got home we ate dinner and got ready for bed. While Annie was sound asleep I stayed up thinking about Elizabeth. Would Ranjan bring her medicine? Would she be OK? Then I lay down out my window at the stars before quietly falling asleep. I woke up extremely early in the morning, ate breakfast, got dressed and ran out into the woods. I waited for Ranjan, but it took him forever. I started to worry. Then I heard that same noise I heard yesterday. My hopes rose. I looked up into the tree, but this time, all I saw a black crow. Then I heard him.
"Hello friend, I could not get the medicine. I am sorry. I asked the medicine man, but when he asked why and I told him about Elizabeth, he said, 'We do not help the white man because he gives us disease. No medicine.' I'm Sorry. Do you think she'll be OK?"
"No. I have to go," I tried to hide my disappointment, but I couldn't. Then we walked to the Tilley's house. I didn't ask Ranjan in because of how Mrs. Tilley reacted the night before.
"Hello Mrs. Tilley, how is Elizabeth doing?" I asked politely.
"Not well. She's not doing so well," she said.
"Could I see her for a minute," I asked. I grabbed a stool and sat by Elizabeth's side. Her bright, beautiful face was now pale and filled with sorrow. And her long beautiful red hair was now faded. I wanted to go back in time, to a time before we played outside in the snow. Would that save her life. I sat looking at her. And I thought this was the last time I would ever get to see her like this - alive. Her chest was moving up and down; she slept. And If she were awake, I would tell her, "This is the end of your life. How will I live without you? You made the best of everything. Even though I hated to hear you and Samuel argue, I loved being with you you. This is our last moment together and I will miss you every day for the rest of my life, but some day we will meet in heaven. We will play tag for eternity." A tear rolled down my cheek, and at that moment I knew she heard me. I heard my mom and dad enter the house, and they came up to the room. We all stood there loving each other, loving Elizabeth. We looked at her and knew she didn't have much longer. Then she opened her eyes, and in her eyes I knew it was her time to go. We gave her permission to let go, and she closed those eyes again and she stopped breathing.

After she left us we decided to take her body and bury her underground. Dad and Mr. Tilley dug her grave in the back of the Tilley's home, and they buried her there. Mom and Mrs. Tilley were crying. It made me want to cry, but I held it back. After they were done we put a rock on top of her grave. There was a rock shaped as a heart that we used to show we all loved her. And then we wrote her name in the dirt E-L-I-Z-A-B-E-T-H. Everyone left after that was finished, but I stayed. I looked at her grave and thought in my head, Everyone has to die. We live cycle - we are born, we live, and we die. And everyone doesn't die at the same time. When a loved one leaves you, you will still always have them near. Your loved ones are in your memories. But one thing that is important to remember, you will see them again. As I was thinking this, I looked into the forest. Ranjan was there, standing with his head bowed, a tear running down his cheek.

THE END!!!!!!!!!!
by ~ Jamee

21 comments:

  1. great C.T.F. and great inflection. and voice. and it was clear. you had everything in SLICE.
    alex

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jamee,
    * Nice job on your story! I think you had great C.T.F.
    * You had nice word choice and vocab.
    * You also were descriptive and spacific that ran through your whole story.

    SLICK:
    SLICE: You were slow, loud, you had inflection, you were clear and you had eye contact.

    Great Job Jamee!

    ReplyDelete
  3. 1. Good dialogue.

    2. I like how you didn't say it was time for here to die but to go.

    3. Good inflection.

    Dylan

    ReplyDelete
  4. *I liked how you wrote from a child's point of view, it made the story more real.

    *Good job speaking with inflection and emotion!

    *I liked the way you incorporated facts and fiction.

    ReplyDelete
  5. *You had really good description. Like the part about the chipmunk and how they didn't know what it was. Since we have see them before, we could tell but you had really good description so that we could understand.

    *You made it sound like Elizabeth and you main character were really good friends. I thought that it was cool how you included Sam in most of your games and what they do together. CTF!

    SLICK
    SLICE: You were really good at all of these.
    Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  6. 1. You story has great vocabulary.
    2. The best part of your story is the speech.
    3. You were very clear and loud.

    ReplyDelete
  7. 1. Great dialogue

    2. Nice characters thought and feeling in tag.

    3. Very smooth reading great conclusion

    Tenzing

    ReplyDelete
  8. * You had great thoughts and feelings!

    * You had wonderful description in every part of your story!

    * You had good inflection and you were very clear!
    GREAT JOB!!!
    ~ :) Nicole

    ReplyDelete
  9. 1. Good dialogue.

    2. I liked your vocab.

    3. Nice ending.

    ReplyDelete
  10. good job with slick.

    i liked your dialogue.

    good job with dialogue.

    ReplyDelete
  11. That was a very powerful story. you had great vocabulary and good description about what happened.

    ReplyDelete
  12. *that was really sad
    *it was realistic because you showed how the indians and the white people hated each other.
    *you were loud enough so everyone could hear you


    Ben

    ReplyDelete
  13. *good c.t.f

    *good dialoge

    *you spoke with emotion and inflection

    Slice
    SLICk: you read slow and loud. and stoped after sad parts

    ReplyDelete
  14. You had great dialogue.

    You had great C.T.F.

    I liked your p.o.v.

    You spoke very clearly. You were easy to listen to.

    Sean B.

    ReplyDelete
  15. *The end of your story was really strong.
    *The dialouge was good because it made the characters come to life more.
    *You spoke very clearly.

    ReplyDelete
  16. *WOW JAMEE you had amazing discription, diloug, and C.T.F
    *i loved your story jamee it was really really touching and good
    *you nailed all of the SLICK & SLICE rules
    *great job jamee!!!
    -kenzy

    ReplyDelete
  17. *You had good dialouge.
    *You had good action and description in your story.
    * I liked how you said. You live you die and you are reborn. I had a connection to the religions.
    Slick:
    Slice: You were slow and loud and that made it easy to hear you through your whole story.

    Nice Story! Great Job.

    ReplyDelete
  18. great inflection
    great word choice
    powerful
    eye contact

    ReplyDelete
  19. 1. your ending was great.
    2. You had great dialogue.
    3. Nice and slow.
    Zeke N

    ReplyDelete
  20. 1.good ctf very sad

    2.great explaining the new world

    3.good slice

    ReplyDelete
  21. You have some hidden issues in this story - trust, learning from others - that make me want to read more about it. I want you to continue to work on this story - especially in 8th grade! It would be a perfect fit when you get there!!

    You worked really hard on this story and it shows. I'm proud of your effort and your story - you should be, too. Keep reading and writing, Jamee, you have made such improvement!

    ReplyDelete